Lead How You Want to Be Led: The Golden Rule for Leaders
We’re all carrying something. A deadline. A diagnosis. A divorce. Some days, leadership feels like juggling live wires while trying not to let your team see you flinch.
And in those moments, empathy can feel like a luxury.
But here’s the irony: the exact way you wish someone would lead you when you're stretched thin or emotionally depleted... is likely the very way your team wishes you’d lead them, too.
That’s not softness. That’s the Golden Rule, applied to leadership.
The Myth of the Unshakable Leader
For decades, we’ve romanticized the image of the leader who doesn’t flinch. Steady under pressure. Unbothered by chaos. Able to compartmentalize anything “personal” and deliver results no matter what.
But that kind of leadership isn’t sustainable. It’s suppressive.
It teaches teams that vulnerability is weakness. That struggle is something to hide. That you’re only as valuable as your most recent performance review.
What it rarely teaches? Trust. Empathy. Humanity. Resilience.
And yet, when we ask employees what kind of leadership they want, the answers are consistent:
Someone who listens before reacting
Someone who shares transparently, within healthy boundaries
Someone who acknowledges pressure without projecting it
Someone who holds people accountable without stripping away compassion
In short, they want to be led the way most of us wish we were led, especially during difficult seasons.
So Why Don’t We Lead This Way Already?
Because we’re tired. Because no one showed us how. Because we worry that empathy will be mistaken for weakness.
And also, because we’re human, too.
Leadership doesn’t exempt you from life’s hardest chapters. It just means you’re expected to keep showing up, even when you’re struggling yourself.
So this isn’t a call to perfection. It’s not a guilt trip.
It’s an invitation.
To lead in a way that builds the culture you wish you’d had. To extend the kind of support you crave when you’re on the edge. To model what’s possible when leaders bring empathy, clarity, and boundaries into the same conversation.
Where the Golden Rule Breaks Down at Work
Most leaders don’t ignore the Golden Rule on purpose. It breaks down in the grey zones, the moments where there’s no playbook.
When someone’s performance is slipping but you know they’re going through something personal
When you notice signs of distress, but don’t know if it’s your place to ask
When you want to show compassion, but also need to hit targets
When your own plate is full, and emotional bandwidth is low
These aren’t excuses. They’re realities.
The problem is, in the absence of clarity, we default to what feels “safe” or “professional”, which often looks like:
Withdrawing
Delivering feedback with less context or care
Avoiding difficult conversations
Delegating empathy to HR
And here’s the cost: When people don’t feel seen, they disengage. When they don’t feel safe, they shut down. And when they don’t feel led, they leave.
What Leading with Humanity Actually Looks Like (Not Platitudes)
“Treat others the way you want to be treated” isn’t about being nice.
It’s about choosing curiosity over assumption. Compassion over control. Courage over convenience.
And it doesn’t have to be complicated.
It looks like:
Taking five minutes to ask how someone’s really doing, without jumping to solutions
Saying, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed off lately. I care about you and want to make sure you have what you need.”
Acknowledging when you don’t have the answers, but committing to finding support together
Making space for hard conversations, and not punishing people for having them
Respecting someone’s privacy while still offering presence
It also looks like setting boundaries with empathy: “I’m here for you, and I also want to respect your space. If and when you feel like sharing, I’m ready to listen.”
These aren’t grand gestures. They’re leadership moments.
And they’re what people remember most, not the metrics you hit, but how you made them feel when they were unsure, struggling, or scared.
Common Fears That Hold Leaders Back
Even with the best intentions, many leaders hesitate to apply the Golden Rule at work, especially when life gets messy.
Here are some of the most common fears:
1. “I’ll say the wrong thing.”
So instead, we say nothing. But silence can feel like indifference. The truth? You don’t need perfect words. You just need presence and a willingness to listen.
2. “I’m not their therapist.”
You’re not. But you are their leader. And creating space to check in doesn’t mean becoming a counselor, it means being human.
3. “If I open the door, they’ll overshare.”
Boundaries matter. But so does trust. You can hold space without holding the entire story. A simple, “Thank you for trusting me with that” can go a long way.
4. “What if I can’t help?”
Sometimes, the best help isn’t fixing, it’s connecting someone to the right resources. (Like a trusted EAP, Sagesse’s REAL Talk, or Life Changes Magazine.) You don’t have to do everything. You just have to care enough to respond.
When You’re Struggling Too: Leading With Honesty and Boundaries
You’re not a robot. And no one expects you to be.
Leading during your own personal storm, divorce, illness, burnout, or caregiving, requires radical honesty and thoughtful restraint.
Here’s what that might sound like:
“I’m also navigating something hard right now, and I appreciate your patience.”
“I want to show up for you even though I’m carrying a lot myself. Let’s figure out the best way forward, together.”
“I’m doing my best to balance everything, and if I seem distant, it’s not about you. I’m committed to staying connected.”
Vulnerability doesn’t mean spilling everything. It means removing the mask just enough to be real, relatable, and trustworthy.
It’s modeling the kind of leadership you’d want from someone above you. Someone human.
What Happens When You Lead This Way
When leaders choose empathy, authenticity, and human-first connection, something shifts.
People speak up sooner, because they trust they’ll be heard
Teams stay more engaged, because they feel supported, not judged
Conflict gets resolved faster, because there’s psychological safety
Retention improves, because employees aren’t just “resources,” they’re humans
This isn’t idealism. It’s ROI.
In fact, organizations that prioritize empathy outperform those that don’t in productivity, innovation, and loyalty. And especially during life-altering events like divorce, grief, or abuse, how leaders show up can make the difference between an employee disengaging… or staying.
Because people don’t leave bad jobs. They leave cultures where they feel unseen.
Practical Shifts You Can Make Today
If the idea of “leading how you want to be led” feels abstract, start here:
✅ Ask yourself: “If I were in their shoes, how would I want my leader to respond?”
✅ Create psychological permission: Let your team know it’s okay to be honest, even about hard things
✅ Don’t wait for a crisis to connect: Regular, meaningful check-ins build trust before it’s needed
✅ Use tools like Sagesse’s REAL Talk to build confidence in tough conversations
✅ Name the tension: “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, but it matters.”
✅ Follow up. Always.
The Culture You Model Becomes the Culture You Build
No one expects perfection from leaders.
What people crave is presence. Consistency. A sense that someone’s in their corner, even on the hard days.
So here’s your invitation:
Think of the best leader you ever had. The one who showed up when things were tough. Who told the truth with care. Who made space without needing the spotlight.
Be that leader, for someone else. That’s the Golden Rule, practiced. Not preached.
If this resonated, here are two ways to go deeper:
Leave a comment: What’s one leadership habit you’ve seen (or want to model) that reflects the Golden Rule?
Explore more at lifechangesmag.com: Access resources, tools, and community support for navigating life changes at work, with compassion.
This article was written by Deena Kordt and featured in her ‘Human First’ LinkedIn Newsletter.
📖 You can subscribe here.
Meet the Author - Deena Kordt
Deena Kordt, publisher of Life Changes & Divorce Magazine Canada, host of the Life Changes Channel podcast, is also an author & speaker from Southern Saskatchewan with a passion for inspiring personal growth and community support. Growing up on a farm and ranch, she developed strong small-town values and a deep sense of community. Deena has had a diverse career, including roles as a nurse, librarian, and reiki master, but her most cherished role is as a mother.
Deena's books, podcast, magazines, blog and presentations aim to help individuals reconnect with their inner strength and joy, encouraging them to embrace life with courage and resilience. She has overcome significant personal challenges, including the loss of two brothers and living in an abusive situation, which has fueled her mission to support others on their healing journeys.
Known for her adventurous spirit and rock 'n roll heart, Deena believes in the power of a supportive community of women. She invites you to join her in exploring life with curiosity and courage.
Awards and Recognition:
2023 Womanition Trail Blazer Award Nominee
2024 Soroptimist International Ruby Award Winner
2025 IOFP Top Women’s Leadership Coach & Publisher of the Year
Deena has been featured on several podcasts and magazines, co-hosts the “Shift Happens Show” and is working on her memoir.
Note: The author, compiler and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party due to these words coming from the author’s own opinion based on their experiences. This account is based on the author’s own personal experience. We assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in these articles.
