Parenting Through Big Life Changes
How to Build Your Village When Your Kids Are Struggling
Key Takeaways
You are not “failing” as a parent. You and your kids are navigating real stress, trauma, and change, your nervous systems feel that, even when others can’t see it.
The “problem” isn’t just a child’s behaviour. Often it’s an overloaded nervous system struggling inside school, family conflict, neurodivergence, or hidden abuse.
You do not have to do this alone. A village of support, legal, emotional, mental health, educational, financial, can expand your capacity to show up for your kids.
Co-parenting in low or high conflict situations is about clear roles, boundaries, and focusing on what you can control, especially when the other parent won’t or can’t.
If something doesn’t feel right at home or in your relationship, it’s okay to question it. Abuse is often a pattern of erosion, not one dramatic event.
Parenting Through Change Is Not “Normal Parenting”
Whether you’re walking through divorce, separation, high-conflict co-parenting, domestic abuse, grief, or major life transitions, your parenting load is not average.
You’re juggling:
Kids who may be anxious, angry, withdrawn, or acting out
School systems that aren’t always built for neurodivergent kids or trauma
Your own nervous system running on overload
Legal, financial, or housing upheaval
The constant question: “Am I ruining my kids?”
You are not. You are doing your best with a lot on your plate. And you deserve support.
This parenting panel* brought together professionals in law, therapy, youth mental health, divorce coaching, and trauma-informed parenting, along with two very brave parents, to talk honestly about what helps.
Gap #1: We Judge Behaviour But Ignore the Nervous System
One of the biggest gaps the panel sees?
We judge kids by their behaviour instead of understanding their nervous system.
A child who is:
“Defiant”
“Lazy”
“Disruptive”
“Overly sensitive”
…may actually be overwhelmed, overstimulated, and scared.
In school, that might look like:
Noise and crowded hallways that feel unbearable
Fear of being called on in class
Sensory overload from lights, smells, and constant motion
Bullying that no one fully sees
Neurodivergent kids (ADHD, ASD, learning disabilities) working hard just to “mask” and blend in
When adults only see “bad behaviour,” we miss the why.
Understanding the why opens the door to empathy and different strategies.
Gap #2: School Systems Are Stretched – and Parents Are Tired
Parents like Anna and Tyler shared how exhausting it is to advocate in schools for their neurodivergent kids, especially when consequences like suspensions and expulsions start entering the picture.
What helps?
Open, ongoing communication with teachers and administrators
Sharing enough of your child’s story so staff understand their needs
Asking for regulation supports, not just discipline:
Quiet spaces
Movement breaks
Flexible expectations
Sensory-friendly options
Schools don’t always get it right. And yes, parents often hit walls.
But when advocacy works, it can literally change a child’s ability to stay in school and feel safer there.
Co-Parenting: When You’re Not On the Same Page
Co-parenting through separation, divorce, or post-separation abuse adds a whole new layer.
When Conflict Is Manageable
When both parents can put the children’s best interests ahead of their own:
Treat the divorce like a business arrangement
Keep communication factual and focused on the kids
Present a consistent message to schools, doctors, and kids
Decide who will be the primary contact with the school or specialists
Use written parenting plans so expectations are clear
In these situations, tools like mediation and divorce coaching can help parents agree on who does what, how information is shared, and how decisions will be made.
When Conflict Is High
High-conflict situations are different. Sometimes one parent genuinely does not have the capacity to put the kids first.
In those cases:
Focus on what you can control when the kids are with you
Protect your time and energy so you can be the stable, regulated parent
Limit communication with the other parent to reduce conflict, using tools like co-parenting apps
Ask your legal team to help define clear roles and responsibilities in orders or agreements
This isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It’s about protecting your children’s nervous systems, and your own, where you have influence.
Recognizing Abuse (Even When There’s No Bruise)
Abuse is not always a single explosive event. Often, it’s:
A pattern of put-downs
Control over money, time, or relationships
Constant criticism and blame
Shifting goal-posts and confusion
Slow erosion of your sense of self and safety
You might wake up one day and think, “Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel safe, but I can’t point to one big thing.”
A powerful suggestion from the panel: start documenting.
Write down incidents, words, feelings
Don’t minimize or excuse it on the page
Look back over time to see patterns you might ignore in the moment
If you notice a pattern of fear, control, or constant emotional harm:
Reach out to a trauma-informed professional
Consider speaking with a domestic abuse advocate, coach, or lawyer
Remember: your kids are impacted by what they see and feel, even if they can’t name it
The Village: Why You Need a Team Around You
Every professional on the panel repeated this in different ways:
You are not supposed to do this alone.
Your “village” might include:
A divorce coach or parenting coach
A family lawyer who understands trauma and children’s needs
A financial professional to help you understand your numbers
A therapist or trauma-informed counsellor
Youth mental health supports for your kids
School allies (teachers, counsellors, administrators)
Extended family, safe friends, coaches, mentors, community
When you hand pieces of the load to professionals:
You’re not weak, you’re wise
You free up your own nervous system
You can show up more calmly and consistently for your kids
You model that asking for help is normal and healthy
Supporting Kids While Supporting Yourself
Two things are true at the same time:
Your kids need support, understanding, and advocacy
You need rest, nourishment, and compassion too
Some simple starting points:
Notice whether you’ve eaten, slept, or had water today
Give yourself permission to be human, not perfect
Use the “oxygen mask” rule: no one thrives if you’re on empty
Let safe people in, professionals and personal supports
And with your kids, you can:
Ask: “When do you feel most upset or uncomfortable during the day?”
Help them name sensations: “Where do you feel that in your body?”
Normalize talking about big feelings without shame
Reassure them that their needs matter and you’re working as a team
If You’re in the Thick of It Right Now
If you’re reading this in the middle of a crisis, school calls, behavioural explosions, court dates, or just the quiet ache of “this is not how I thought parenting would feel”, please hear this:
You are not alone.
You are not too late.
And you are not a bad parent.
You and your kids are living through big life changes.
Bringing in a village is not failure—it’s love in action.
If you’re not sure where to start, reach out to one safe person:
a professional, a trusted friend, or our Life Changes & Divorce community.
You deserve support. Your kids do too.
We have a team of heart-centered experts to guide & support you.
They look forward to meeting you :)
(* You can watch the full replay HERE)
Note: The author, compiler and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party due to these words coming from the author’s own opinion based on their experiences. This account is based on the author’s own personal experience. We assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in these articles.
